Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Disappointment and Decisions

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Especially when the decision involved will plan out the next 4 - 5 years of my life. Right now my thoughts are all jumbled and I'm probably going to sound like an ungrateful brat, but I need to write this down, so here goes:

My parents (more so my mother) have always been there for me, maybe not for much emotional support (they don't seem to be the touchy-feely type), but for school, finances, etc. More often than not, they were the ones that made my decisions for me, because, duh, I was too young to decide to switch schools and stuff. But with a subject like university, MY future is on the line, and MY life should ultimately be MY decision.

They've always been incredibly protective, and they've always been concerned about giving me the best life possible. They've given up so much for me by moving to a whole new country and leaving behind their steady jobs, and I honestly appreciate everything they've done. Honestly. But what I need now more than ever is to think for myself without someone to constantly tell me that I'm wrong and that THEY know what's right for me.

I need this chance to be my own person.

To live life how I want to live it. To make mistakes, and then to learn how to fix them. I don't want security, and as stress-relieving as it is to know how your life will turn out (because that's what they're trying to do; plan out an idiot-proof career for me), I don't want it.

Yes, I do sound like a whiny teenager when I say I wish they'd just back off and let me make my own decisions sometimes, and I know I'll sound like even more of one when I say that my reasons are entirely justified. In the university choosing process, they picked the majority of my choices for me. Before that, they gave me two options: to either go into business or become a doctor (not engineering because "I'm a girl").

They think I'm naive and don't trust me. Today, I told my mom that I was among the first people admitted to Richard Ivey School of Business, and she said, "Oh, are you considering that?" I told her maybe, and she immediately frowned and said "no you're not".

Oh really? I'm not? Then why did I just say that I was?!

My mother first and foremost wants me to become a doctor. (I'm not saying this is the only reason, but her mother stopped her from going to medical school, and she's always regretted listening to her.) Ivey would give me an alternative - business administration, since there is a HIGH chance I won't get into medical school.

However, her problem is that she doesn't think I'll be able to concentrate on school to get the extremely high marks needed for medical school since Nick would be at the same school. She also thinks that the only reason I want to go to that school is because of him. Of course, I realize it's entirely reasonable for her to doubt me, but my problem with her is that after all these years, she still doesn't trust me. 

I honestly don't know what I can do to convince her that I want to go to school because of the SCHOOL. Yes, my average did drop from grade 11 to 12, but that's because I felt there was a significant leap in curriculum and the quantity of projects.

I know that I can defy them and go my own way, but I guess what I'm trying to say here is that for ONCE, I'd like to do something for myself without disappointing them.

I'm afraid to disappoint people, and right now I'm so lost that I wish I could just curl into a ball and disappear. Anything to not face this decision right now.

TL; DR: I'm angry because my parents won't let me make my own decisions about university. 


9 comments so far.

  1. Meg on March 30, 2010 at 9:03 PM

    *hugs* I totally know how you feel :( My mother basically chose the colleges I applied to based on prestige -- she didn't even give me the chance to look into and base my application decisions on programs that caught my interest. And while I love the college I'm at now, I wish it had been my decision. And she's still badgering me about my major, which she wants to be economics or something science-related so I can be pre-med. So I'm an econ major (for now, at least; I can always change it later), and while it isn't something I hate, I wish I could choose my major of my own accord. (I also want to major in history, which my parents disapprove of entirely.)

    "I need this chance to be my own person. To live life how I want to live it. To make mistakes, and then to learn how to fix them." <-- Agreed. So much. My mother has always told me she isn't going to let me make mistakes "because they could potentially ruin your life and you might not be able to fix things until it's too late!" Arrgh. I'm sure you understand how annoying that is.

    I think the only difference between my parents and yours is that they actually wanted me to go into engineering, except I flatly refused, so they gave up on that idea.

    Oh wow. Sorry for this essay.

    TL;DR: I totally understand and am giving you a million e-hugs right now.

  2. Regina Support Club co-president on March 30, 2010 at 9:35 PM

    Well bud I know we've chatted a lot about this in the past and it makes me feel like we need another triangle of support! lol

    Mostly I want you to know I'm here to help you no matter what cause that's what friends do. I know you know I had to argue with my parents a lot about how I didn't want to do business, and I know you know that I know your parents are far more strict than mine. But we still must try to convince them because it is your future.

    I find it very weird that your mother said you shouldn't consider Ivey as it's quite prestigious, and if they want you to do medicine or business, well that's the business side covered. Also it bothers me immensely that you still say you won't get in to med school, have you met you?

    You need to make sure your parents know how you feel because your mother regret letting her mother control her life, and no matter what she says she won't want you to regret listening to her later in life.

    I also still think her concerns about Nick are kinda ridiculous, it's not like you started skipping class to hang out with him all the time... cause that would be a problem :P

    In the long run I think your parents will be proud of you when you become super successful in whatever field you chose, cause I know you will, and some day they'll see it too.

    Always remember I'm here to help and drop really unsubtle hints about how awesome other stuff is when I'm at your house. You rock and if this were the ballad episode of glee I'd be singing I'll Stand By You right now, be afraid cause I may when I see you tomorrow.

  3. Clem on March 31, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    I'm so sorry about this. I can't really offer my experience, but I do kind of understand what you're going through. One of my best friends wants to major in math, but her parents say they'll disown her if she really does - and they're serious about it, too. They won't pay her way through university and they won't let her get a job, so she's basically being forced to do what they want her to. I haven't actually been through it myself, but I've been close to it, and I understand how devastating it can be.

    I'm so sorry that this is happening. :( I really hope everything works out for you and I'll be thinking about you. <3 Hopefully your parents will see the that you are a responsible, smart, mature person who can make your own decisions.

  4. Shiying! on March 31, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    "(not engineering because "I'm a girl")."


    (But really, it's okay to disappoint people. Look at me!)

    In all seriousness, you're 17 and a half. You're your own person now, and you should probably demonstrate that to your parents before they chain you down and dress you in diapers and feed you with a bottle. Because they will consider it.

    "My little girl is all growed up"
    "not any more!"

    If your parents haven't noticed that you are a fairly responsible person with a brain of her own (firmly attached to her head), then it might be time for a little disappointin'.

    It's okay to disappoint people if you're doing what's right for YOU. Because chances are, you're going to be living your life. (Unless your parents are reptilians who plan on invading your body and living through you literally.)

    TL;DR MAN UP. (Kidding. But Imma gonna be disappointed in you if you just cave.)

  5. Cindy on April 1, 2010 at 1:34 AM

    Eeesh, reading your entry hits so close to home, because I went through something very, very similar when I was choosing colleges. My parents basically told me they would only pay for my university if it was a top-tier; otherwise, I had to stay in-state. And any humanities major was out of the question. So with regards to the whole parents-making-your-decision thing, I hear ya.

    Parents have a tendency to make their children's decisions, especially huge ones like a college education. They don't want you to end up as a "failure" in life (i.e. living off loans); instead they want you to be successful aka making money. Which translates to being a doctor. Obviously!

    That said, I'm really sorry about your parents. It's frustrating. Especially since business administration offers a bunch of lucrative job opportunities post-graduation. And just because being a doctor leads to good salary prospects doesn't mean that it's right for everybody.

  6. Manda on April 1, 2010 at 4:03 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this :( While I am unable to relate, I guess the best thing to do is to hope that one day, your mother will learn to trust you and will look back at this time and realize that you knew what you were doing for yourself all along. Maybe that means you'll need to rock the boat a little bit now, but hopefully in the end you can prove to her that you know what you were doing was the best for you. :)

  7. Crissy on April 2, 2010 at 11:40 AM

    That sounds really unfair, especially since your mum wants you do medical school because she couldn't...it sounds like she's doing the same thing to you with the schools you want to go to.

    I'm also unable to relate (not out of high school yet), but I hope you get your parents to see it your way. At this point, it's your life, and your choices will change the rest of your life. You should feel comfortable with what you're going to do.

  8. Crystal on April 4, 2010 at 9:25 PM

    Ivey is a GREAT program! So many people I know in UBC Sauder wants to transfer there. Coming out of Ivey's consulting program, you're almost guaranteed placements at BCG or McKinsey. London is also obviously a nice city (lived there for 2 years).

    Pick what you like, because YOU will be spending the next 4 years there, not your parents.

  9. Clement on April 5, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    I know how this feels. My parents dictated everything I did when I was younger, then I went off to college and away from their grips. LOL

    Well, personally I think you should do what you think is right for you. This is your life and you'll be the one who has to live it be it good or bad. It's easier to swallow if it turned out not what you want and you were the one who made the decision. Otherwise you'll just be loathing your parents forever (I know I would, especially with a life-defying decision like that).

Something to say?